Qigong and Grief: Richard Clegg on Navigating Loss

Grief is an inevitable part of life, the loss and trauma isn't something that is easily overcome. We often think that death happens to an individual, when in reality, it happens to those who are left behind. In today's Qigong podcast, Richard Clegg discusses how he copes with grief and integrates the Zhineng Qigong practice to navigate his healing journey after losing his wife and grandson.

In grief, Richard emphasizes maintaining a sense of true self and wholeness. Qigong teaches that oneness is essential, as separation leads to suffering. Emotional healing after loss requires removing judgment and ego. Qigong encourages returning to objectivity—allowing emotions to naturally flow while being kind to ourselves through the stages of grief.

Grief brings overwhelming emotions that need processing. In Qigong, unresolved emotions create "heart-stones" - blockages that may lead to disease. During grief, self-care and self-love are vital. Allow yourself time and space to experience emotions rather than resist them. This increases self-awareness and reinforces identity, which helps counter the isolation that often accompanies grief.

Zhineng Qigong can help with trauma and grief. Richard specifically uses the La Qi and Chen Qi methods for grief. In Traditional Chinese Medicine, grief is associated with the lungs. Chen Qi clears blockages and opens energy pathways, allowing smooth Qi flow throughout the body. This benefits the lungs while strengthening the mind. Richard also used the 8 verses meditation to calm his nervous system.

Grief might be a frame of reference as Richard explains, though Qigong for grief allows both ourselves and others the freedom to experience loss without judgment or rushing.

Mindful moments:

• Qigong provides a framework for processing grief by maintaining a sense of true self and wholeness during difficult times
• The concept of oneness in qigong helps address the suffering that comes from separation during loss
• Qigong encourages objectivity in grief, allowing natural emotional flow without judgment or ego
• Self-care principles and qigong emphasizes giving yourself time and space to experience emotions rather than resisting them
• Zhineng Qigong specifically offers methods like La Qi and Chen Qi that can be applied to grief processing
• Qigong for grief creates a space where people can experience loss without judgment or rushing the natural grieving process

Links & Resources:

📧 Connect with Richard (email):
info@zhinengqigongacademy.com
laohulonghealth@gmail.com

🌐 Richard's website: https://www.zhinengqigongacademy.com/

✨ Chen Qi Method: https://www.zhineng-qigong-students-hub.com/product/chen-qi-method/

🎬 Richard's other episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbPrEmot

🎮 Discover Qigong Game: https://www.zhineng-qigong-students-hub.com/discover-qigong/

🎙️🌟Explore more podcasts, events, and resources visit:
https://www.zhineng-qigong-students-hub.com/

📘📚 Get your FREE E-book on the "Eight verses meditation" by Dr Pang:
https://www.zhineng-qigong-students-hub.com/exploration-of-the-eight-verses-of-zhineng-qigong-meditation-e-book

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Transcript

Grief is an inevitable part of life, touching all of us at some point. It is a universal experience that shapes us, reminding us of the depth of our love and the fragility of time. When Richard lost his beloved wife and grandchild, he had to deal with incredible trauma and grief. Connecting deep to the essence of Zhineng Qigong, he found a path navigating his own grief while helping others.

My name is Torsten Lueddecke, and this is the Wisdom Qigong podcast.

So welcome everyone. I've got Richard Clegg with me. Richard has been a guest before on the podcast with a very successful episode about how he healed his eye. And while we were talking, Richard said, you know, zhineng qigong has kind of saved my life so many times. And among others, with regards to grief, and I said, Oh, this is a, this is a very interesting topic.

Obviously it's a very, important topic and a very moving topic, but if you are a happy Richard, then I would like to dive a little into that and, you know, and ask you what exactly is your experience there when it comes to zhineng qi gong and grief, please. 



All Thank you. And I'm delighted to be back and I'd like to give a brief update on my eye. It's now seven years I'm here in life and I, the other day, drove with my eye that was affected by the tumor open on a secluded road for about a mile with my very good 2020. I closed. And I said, Well, that's enough. I won't do that more.

My eye that had the tumor in it is now at 2400 and increasing. So meaning my vision is gaining and better. And I just wanted to say that that's where it's at. And I'm very healthy. So yes, I'd like to give a conversation about grief. And, how zhineng qigong science and Hunyuan Qi therapy and all the things that we hear are mutually involved in has helped not only myself, but others.

And, the, there is also an underlying theme of trauma that goes along with it. And it's hard for me to separate because I'm involved in it. I want to first state that I'm not a grief therapist or grief counselor. I have many different trainings that my wife and I, had in life together and continue.

a lot of that has prepared me if there is such a word, and I'm not certain there's any preparation for grief and loss at all, but it has helped me more to be prepared. To help others. I had a incredible struggle with this. I think I met you, Torsten, in Austria a few months after my, wife and grandson left their lives together.

And I was, it took everything for me, to get to that training to finish it. And it was very difficult. It's now almost three years. I will say again that I think the zhineng Qigong community, the science of it, the, heartfelt, upright, lifted, being of it has helped me immensely. I also say that being with my wife for 24 years led me to this place of being openhearted and kind, particularly kindness to myself.

So with that as a format, I. I want a couple of things to say throughout this. I, am an integrative therapist in the Western, medical paradigm. And what that means is in that certification process, I also had a lot of contemplative care, bearing witness, open heart, holding space for people. Whether it's your grief process, or whether it's another person's grief process, I think the word that comes to my mind.

heart and mind right away is to be kind and kind to yourself and kind to them. if you're working with another person listening, and I think this is also a very strong. tenant of the zhineng qigong of being open heart, united in heart, united in mind, you know, the mind is in the home of the head, but it's centered in the heart, all these things that are very pronounced saying.

So, in my three years of this experience. I'm going to say hesitantly I'm in a much better place. I hear this from people that are intimates of mine and students and friends and etc. So I will take their, their saying and happily embrace it because at times I have an incredible joy and at times I have incredible non joy and it's part of the gig.

And you know, grief is a determining word. I think I'll say first that in September of this year I was, wonderfully blessed to be in an 18 day training with Liu in Qingcheng Mountain Shan, China for a level one, teacher. And, somewhere about midway, maybe more towards all the way through.

I came out and went down to the area where we were holding, classes and, had kind of like maybe an epiphany. It's still playing out. And one of the lines in Liu's new book that I really love is the term, it's, sudden enlightenment is a, is based upon the gradual. So what happened during that time is I was there and a friend of mine A dear friend of ours, Rasmig from Beirut, was there and I just walked up to him and I said, You know, I had a thought, I'm still processing, but it feels pretty good.

And I said, grief is a frame of reference, sadness is an emotion. And he just said, that just gave me chills and shivers, and I said, yeah, me too. So I'm working on that. Some of the things I found through this time is that everyone experiences their own grief the way they do. I don't have a much more than that.

There's no competition in it. it is an event. So with me, I also had the trauma of the circumstances, which kind of just went on and on and on and on. And sometimes it's very. Difficult to separate. But what I want to go here is that, and I'm going to read the line. I said I would read to you because I think it's really imperative right now.

And this is part of what I do. And as much as I understand it, I'm still having words, difficulty conveying it to folks around me. And I know I'll get there. But Liu says it very well in this one part, and this is about adjusting the heart and the mind. And I think, you know, in essence it goes to connection to our true authentic self, and who we are, and baby mind, baby heart.

And I'm just going to focus here, it says in this page, on page 89, This full mind of the human being is the true awareness of Yi Yuan Ti. Therefore, adjusting the mind is turning the full mind back to the mind's home to connect with the joy inside, merging to oneness. I think my teacher wife was just an incredible, heartfelt person who knew awe and joy at all times, and ironically at her memorial, a friend of ours that knew her for 25 years said when he first met her, he said, you know, she's laughing, and I'm looking around trying to understand what she's laughing at, but all she was doing was laughing, and that was my wife, and, it brings another teacher to mind, which is Jianshe, and, you know, he's like, the laughing Buddha in many ways, and one of our classes that we took at Xian Center, and Online, he had the dedicated 45 minutes and all he came in and did was laugh.

He just couldn't help himself. It was so him. And you know, he does retreats and workshops on baby mind and baby heart. And this is what I take as a direction for myself. So, you know, I want to say You know, sometimes the elephant in the room about Qigong is movement and only movement, you know, and Qigong is so much more than that.

you know, the movement moves our qi and our body and, and with zhineng Qigong science being more different than, many of the Qigong lineages I've studied over the last 40 years. Our consciousness connects through, to the Hunyuan and brings it in to the yi yuan ti and ourselves and all this.

So with all this. This comment I just read, I think, you know, we need to work mostly on connecting to ourselves and our purpose in life. And, you know, it's a brand new day and all this and what's behind us is behind us, etc. But grief is right there, you know, all the time. It's kind of like, I don't, I don't want to, I don't want to berate it because I think it's a gift too, but sometimes it's insidious, you know, it's just so prevailing and so thick and sticky.

So when I meet people, you know, in these thousand plus times over a year's period on my motorcycle riding, to actually. Connect with something that was very familiar to me to help train my brain back, from the traumas to, to go and do what my wife and I had always done, which is to have the agenda of helping people.

you know, I would meet people and it'd be in the weirdest places, but not really. It'd be in a restaurant, it'd be in a diner, it'd be at a gas station, it'd be at a big meeting, it'd be, you know, whatever. And I have this kind of radar for zoning in on a person, I'm, I'm, I'm actually intuitive anyway, but I, my friend that was with me goes, you know, you just, it's remarkable how you go right there.

And yeah, I guess so. But the conversations, you know, I'm my best client, if you want to go there because I've worked the hardest with me. And I truly don't believe I've gotten to this point without zhineng. I truly fathom not anything other. It's like, I don't think I would have made it. Honestly, I don't believe I would have made it.

And it's still a struggle, I'll be honest. But when I'm meeting these people, it get into a conversation and it just roll into, you know, and I remember a waitress at seven o'clock in the morning in a Mexican restaurant, New Mexico, and I said, You have lovely earrings, just like my wife. And she then rolled into the fact that she had just lost her mother.

Her father had been dead for 10 years. Her brother was killed, murdered a year before. Her other brother committed suicide. And it went on and on and on. And it just rolled. So I listen. There are occasions that people who know me find it remarkable that I listen. But I do. And I just. hold space for them.

And I think this is the efficacy of Zhineng, that when you're connected through Zhineng and Huanyuan, that you can, you know, release the ego. And believe me, there are plenty of stupid things that people say for a many variety of reasons, including they don't know any better. about grief, but holding space for a person is incredibly powerful.

And yes, I've done, you know, la qi with people, okay? I've done la qi with, one person that comes to my mind as a nurse on one of my units. And about the same time, she lost her grandson. And we've had many conversations. you know, her, her grief spikes up and down and this, that, the other thing we've done this and that.

And then the beauty of it was I had another nurse come to me and say, that nurse just taught me La qi and I'm so much more connected to myself. And thank you so much. Can you enhance? So, you know, doing body level two or, you know, Chen Qi or any of these wonderful physical exercises we have in Zhineng.

They're great. And they do help stagnations move, and they do help the qi flow. But I think the moral compass of zhineng and living your best life, and ethically and morally, and most importantly, adjusting heart and mind and true authentic self, these, these theories that are so simple but deep are, are one way that has helped me help others.

And a lot of training, including my wife, but the other part to it is this is something I can latch on to embrace and share.

We have a way you can discover Qigong. At the Zhineng Qigong Student Hub, we know that understanding Qigong is very important. And also, that Zhineng Qigong in itself has various nuances that people can't easily comprehend. So we've approached it in the style of a video game. On this page, Discover Qigong, you can select your character. So you can either be a beginner, a practitioner, or a holistic healer or self healer, and you click on your character and it takes you to these different sections. In these sections, you can explore the nuances and when you click on a card, all of the resources pop up and we've made it really fun and not many people know about it. So if you are interested, have a look and discover Qigong.

right. Thank you very much, Richard. let me just see, you know, some of the points that you mentioned, and I'm starting with the last one where you spoke about connecting to your true self is something that helped you immensely in dealing with the grief. And this is, so, but you're doing this on two levels.

So you say this is true for the work I do with myself, but you say this is also true. When I hold the space with someone else. So basically you're connecting with them in an authentic, real, way, heart to heart so that the other person also has the space, to allow whatever is there to be there. And, through that process, because grief is nothing, you can't go there and say, you know, don't grief.

It's not working. Right. So it is there. And the question is, how do we navigate? through that grief and how do we make sure it's not controlling us because grief has its, it has its place in our life. And, and, and I think that is, that is how you are using, first of all, a lot of the theories about zhineng, Qi Gong, about what does zhineng, Qi Gong fundamentally mean, what is it all about by making yourself aware of that and using that for yourself.

But also, and I find this also quite important, yeah, you're using physical movements like la qi because so often, by doing the movement, it also helps us to, to, direct our mind and our heart in a certain direction. So, I know it's a little abstract what I'm saying here. You've been far more concrete, but please correct me or add to what I've just mentioned here.

Sure. Thanks. well, I think, at the time of my wife's death, she was reading a book and I may not have it right, but the tiger within within us. And it was all about somatic therapy. Okay. And, somatic therapy, you know, is, is a Western term. I say qigong. Okay. And there's other movements to, other, you know, yoga, tai chi, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, drumming or anything like that, you know, something that moves.

So, yeah, you know, I'm a classically trained Chinese . medical qigong therapist. Okay. which just means and no offense to anyone. It's a broader picture than TCM. Okay. Traditional Chinese medicine. And again, I want to clearly state no offense to anyone. I'm not that person. Okay. I just know from that training that emotions are incredibly inductive to illness.

And I hear When Liu was here for the second time at a workshop this, this year, I heard him say to a person, I think it's absolutely profoundly correct that illness is a function of frame of reference. And when he was further asked, he said, 99. 9%. of illnesses frame of reference. So I'll bow to that because I think it's perfect.

Now, in terms of, you know, moving, yeah, you know, moving helps. Okay. it stimulates the qi in the body and, you know, the blood moves and, and everything else. And it's specific, like Chen Qi, from a classical Chinese medicine perspective, the lungs represent the and in that, you know, when sadness, sorrow, shame, grief, or guilt.

get chronic, involvement heartstones, as we would say, then the lungs and large intestines are going to stagnate and go other places with other things. So if you do Chen Qi, you know, it helps the lungs and that's perfect too. Yes. But, and I hate the word, but, but, but there's more and, you know, I always invite people when they're in a process, what's the gift in it.

And a dear friend of mine did say to me that, you know, he, a very well published yogi and person and everything else. He said, this may be your badge and he was relating it to Roshi Joan Halifax and Upaya Institute in New Mexico. And, you know, this may be what my gift is in terms of living my life purpose.

It's a hard gift to bear, but that's why it's a badge, you know, and another person graciously said to me, it may be your mantle. You can take it on to put it back on, you know, and where when you need to as an example before. You know, this 3 year period. I was working with a person who had, I don't remember the malady and all of a sudden her mother appeared to me.

Okay, and I said. To the person who is that person's name. And she goes, that's my mom. And I said, Okay, well, she's here. And she had passed 20 years before. Okay, so that was whatever. And then she went into an immediate grief. loop. Okay. And at the time, none of this had happened. I had had loss, but not as catastrophic as this.

Okay. my parents had, passed away. My mom died at 97. My dad died at 88. They had long lives. my, my dad died beautifully. My mom, well, she went out the way she wanted to. So that's beautiful in its own way, but. I didn't have this as a baseline. I didn't have this as so cellular to me for me to know.

Okay. So when I spoke to that person I was treating, I said, you know, grief doesn't mean that if you if you resolve grief, it doesn't mean that you lose them anymore. Okay. And yeah, that's true. But it's so minuscule in terms of the whole grief thing. You know, I, I had, an Instagram channel where I never, I don't use their names for lots of reasons.

And on that channel, you know, I my channel name and I could be anyone, you know, and going through this and let's face it, 60 million people died on this planet per year. So, you know, one death. Cascades out into the community. And you know, it's it's amazing how it does. And so I believe get back to what you're saying.

Yes, physical works and helps. And, you know, depending on where everyone is in their awareness levels and practices and stuff. But there's that word again, you know, when Leo was here recently, he did a consciousness exercise. And, you know, some of the folks here, they're all, everyone's at different levels of everything, not just training.

Okay. So basically, it blew them away, a group of people that let's say hadn't had as much time with him or other teachers, and that part is really important, connecting to oneself, which is connecting to everything, you know, Lao Tzu said, what's outside is inside, inside is outside, connecting. And, you know, in the tenants of your name, body, mind unites to one.

Okay. There's a lot of conversation in that, you know, but I just do what I know. I do every day, the best I know how to do. I do it with kindness. And I think that's the moral, upright, living, ethical standard of zhineng qigong. Again. So I also apply. my talk to my walk. And sometimes that's convoluted, meaning that what I help other people with in my, in my pain and my sorrow and my sadness and my grief, I come back to me, you know, and there's lots of things.

And I'll just say like on many of these travels, when I went to Austria for the finalization of, or the, the certification of my one of our Hunyuan Qi, therapist training because she was in, you know, in the, in life, she was in it. It took me inordinate obstacles to get through. In fact, one of them was something happened, something occurred, and then I couldn't make the plane.

So I reschedule it for another day. Frequently for myself, there's just so, so much built up and it's less anymore. Okay, so I'll say what I do, which is, I'll say what happens, then I'll say what I do. And it has helped me inordinately. It's so large. All right. As an example, if I have a scheduled time, I got to be somewheres.

All right. That's whatever, and I make a decision in terms of what it has to be. When I went out for almost 40, 000 miles on the motorcycle in one year, there were times I wanted to leave like this, say, on Wednesday at 7 o'clock in the morning. And it was just fraught with anxiety and stress and grief and trauma.

And I said, no, I'm not doing it. And I went whenever I went, and it may have been two days later. And as I allowed myself that freedom, All right. And kindness to myself. I was able to, the word heal comes in, but I, it's not the best word at this moment. 'cause I don't know, honestly if I will ever be healed.

I'll be in some form all the time of positive healing, but honestly, this will go with me through my life. But what I do is, I, I say the eight verses. I say, haola hao, okay, Hunyuan Lingtong? and other tones and chants, okay, song and other things. And it soothes my, you know, system, takes me out of fight and flight into peace and calm.

My heart is peaceful and calm. And I think, you know, this is the true heart connection. And I, you know, I think to have a synergism of movement and, and conscious concept. is the ultimate. And if you can't, then take one or the other and do the best you can, or mix it up as you can. This is what I invite my students and the students of our academy to do.

And that's what I have at the moment. There's a whole bunch of things I don't know anything about and have a resolution on regarding grief, and I'll bring that other word trauma in. However, I know one thing, it's individualistic and I do probably have like a 95 percent that's frame of reference, okay?

You know, we don't move past these things, we move forward, alright? But, connecting to ourselves is connecting to all and everything. And I think that's really lovely and, you know, frequently I get conversations about religion and stuff and all this aligns with anyone's higher belief system. Unless they don't want it to and that's fine too, but it's right there and it's all possible.

Okay,

I would like to look a little into two of the core things that you've said about the relationship you have with yourself or that you focus on with yourself. It is this kindness. Towards yourself when you have these situations and also the, the connection with your true inner self. And I'm, I kind of wonder whether this, what is actually happening there is that you, that you attach some value to who you are, that, yeah, that you kind of acknowledge.

Your own worth by doing this because who would I be kind towards who would I try to connect with it is someone who's worth it and I wonder whether this isn't part of the reason why it is so essential when you're dealing with grief. Cause I can only imagine, I mean, I never had to go through anything, comparable to what you've gone through, Richard, but I can only imagine that sometimes now the thought comes up, you know, why am I at all here?

Is it all worth it? I've lost so much. so that is when it is important, becomes important to connect and to your own worth and to say, this is the contribution I am to this world. And this is why I, you know, why I, why I get my intention. back to who I really am and to express this in this world in a way that others other can benefit from it.

And, that's just something that came up when you describe these two important factors. And I think this is, this is the core to see, now, no matter how much I've lost. There is a, there's so much value left in who I am that this gives me the strength to continue to carry on, to do something positive, to take on my life, rather than resigning into the, into the trauma and into the tragedy.

Is that, how do you, how do you see what I, how do you see that, what I've just said here?

that's a beautiful question. It's probably it's a podcast, but let's go there because I think it's really. really very accurate and, you know, it's, it's simplistic to say we all have a choice. We all do have a choice, but we get mired down in our frame of references, which, you know, Liu righteously says is our personality, et cetera.

I've had many traumas in my life. Okay. None that have compared to this. My eye process. was a result of traumas throughout my life that were heart stones that weren't resolved and, you know, manifested physically as a tumor and potentially ending my life. And, you know, so many thoughts go through my head.

I'm going to slow them down as I may. you know, there was a saying that, somewhere in the Zhineng, I heard when the flower is sick, you change the soil. All right, so that's a choice. What we grow, how we grow, how we beautify, how we manifest is partially, you know, partially choice. I also believe it's a natal circumstance.

We come in. You know, zodiologically, astrologically, and I also believe from a soul level, we come in with unfinished business to do. Why else are we here? Taking up space, you know? So for me, this, I had a beautiful teacher. I've had many beautiful teachers and I've had many unbeautiful teachers. And the one of the most, if not the most beautiful teacher was my wife.

I'm blessed to have. shared our life together for 24 years with her open heart. She was brilliant in many ways in life, but she looked from her heart at everything with awe and joy and love. And, you know, to have purity and have an open heart and to have fun. And that I lived with graciously and lovingly Mutually forever.

And it was not forever for 24 years. And it was A thing, but I think there is value. I, you know, I'm a, I'm a person that was invited to go to Vietnam. By the United States government and I said, I'm busy. No, thank you. And I always kind of like looked at it and it was a, it's a dual edge sword, no pun intended because, you know, this, I guess I'll leave it at that.

But I had no interest in going to Vietnam and I did not go to Vietnam. It took me 50 years, perhaps to realize what I knew at the time, which is a, I didn't want to contribute to that whole mess. I didn't want to take lives. I also didn't want to. you know, I was a 19 year old man. And at the time, you know, fear is a normal thing.

And I didn't want to get blown up, killed, et cetera, ruined for life. But more than that, I think this ties in. And that's why I'm saying it. And it came to my mind is that somewhere is 45. Well, it's now 53 years since I was drafted. So somewhere in that 53 years, I realized had I gone and been killed or had I gone.

And this is kind of maybe looking in the rearview mirror, but here's what I got. That's the gifting in it. I wouldn't be here to serve. I wouldn't be here to help. So yes, I do have a valuation of myself, which I will be very forthright and honest was very challenged and taxed during my life. because of scenarios in my life and, you know, my wife, and I understood the life that we had individually before coming together.

And when we were together, it was, it was she, and it was me individually, then it was us collectively, three distinct individuals supporting each other and loving each other in that. In that healing environment, in that loving environment with her, I learned so much, which is why the Zhineng Qigong Academy is dedicated to her, okay, because she had an incredibly open life and I haven't grown a tail.

Teacher Wu has joined us to say hello, and he's always here in the qi field treating, teaching, and everything else, so he's here. so I'm, I'm, I'm blessed, and I take that blessing and acknowledge it. And it's a beautiful thing, but it's real hard when I don't have her physical life to be with. she's always with me in spirit, supporting me all the time.

in this process of losing her and the ensuing, you know, management of my life. And I'm, I'm, I'm prophesied to have a long life. So, you know, living another 30 plus years, you know, it's a challenge and I don't like to use the word only survive in my eye process. I use the word Sir thrived. Okay. And it's, I haven't gotten to.

Right in any books about her or my process or other things. I'm just trying to get from three years ago to now, really, right? Honestly, right now in the present. Okay, the future is going to take care of itself. I always, I already think it's predestined already. So why do I have to muck that up? You know, I just got to live here as best they can living here.

Yes, me acknowledging that I have value and have, I know for a fact that I know what we were going to do at this time, which is primarily what I'm doing. I'm doing it with her in spirit. In fact, her chair is right next to me here. Okay, so I know that I'm living that life purpose of she and I. Right, and that gives me value.

And embraces the value that I am my true authentic self. Okay, so somewhere as I'm getting a picture here, and I don't know, maybe it'll be a picture you like to use, whatever, but the last retreat that my team, our team did. In Tuscany, someone took a picture of me, a little bicycle with training wheels, okay?

And that's, you know, my baby heart, you know? And I think it's a good thing to acknowledge. One teacher that remains a dear friend to us, he said, you know, people are born and, you know, you go through the first seven years and your breathing changes and then you, you know, and Liu also speaks to it in that same page.

That, you know, a baby, you know, as they open up senses and stuff like that, the mind starts to orientate towards sensing. I think it's the same stuff we're talking about, but my friend said that, you know, we go through life when we accumulate all this crap and we go towards all this stuff and we move away from, and then we get to an age and he calls it 50.

And then we spend all kinds of resources to get back to where we were born, you know, our true authentic self. So. you know, I, I, so I'm, I'm having an awing about saying it because I don't want to come from, any part of an ego. I have a very open heart and that is who I am. And, a story when. Back 20 years ago when Debra and I were probably three, four years into our relationship, we went to a seminar for actually Dr.

Ralph Shealy, and he was the originator of the TENS unit and stuff like that. We didn't go for that, but we had, she met this person and he came up and he goes, and it was like, I'm a third wheel here and this man is from Manhattan. And he goes, Oh. So that's him, she goes, yep, and they don't know each other.

Okay, just met, she goes, yep, he goes, I can see you got your work cut out for you. She goes, yep. And she goes, but it's worth it. And I go, okay. And so later on, find out that he's a psychic, you know, and he's talking about my humanity. Okay. And she's talking about my heart and my essence. Okay. Not, not essence of matter, but.

My heart. Okay. Simple as that. My soul. Okay. And, yeah, she put the effort in and, you know, it was two ways, two ways street and everything else. And we had great fun and great love and all this. And, I think, you know, that man was looking at my true authentic self and the frame of references around it.

Okay. My life, my personality. Again, I don't have any, I speak openly. Sometimes, you know, maybe it's a fault, but I do want to go back to my eye and all the things that I found throughout my exploration. And again, a review 120 days and Western says it's all gone. You know, it's done nine millimeters down to 1.

8 millimeters or something. It's just a scar and five years ahead of time and all this and that. The other thing. Well, you know, the day before I met the chief . ophthalmic oncologist at Columbia Presbyterian, I went to one of our Chinese practitioners in Chinatown and, prodigy of Jeffrey Yuen, which is a big name, some in some worlds.

Okay. And, you know, he said at the end of it, he says, you know, Richard, I know your mindful practices. I know your martial arts. I know they're Qigong. I know all this. He goes, you know. I think if you had none of that, you'd be either insane or imprisoned because of the rage. And he said, there's no question that the tumor is rage.

Okay. So, you know, a lot of people will think, oh, well, that's. horrible, but you know, we're human. These are just words and, and they're not just words, but they're emotional content. So my life, I was raging about a lot of things that were unresolved. Okay. And, I'm carrying them forward heartstones. And this is what we do.

That's beautiful. Hunyuan Qi therapy is transform things, moving to a new point of life and all this. So there's two little vignettes that are about Yeah, I do value myself and I didn't for a long time. I'm an abuse survivor of 42 years, not really recognizing it and wondering all around me what the hell is going on because I don't get it.

And so I wasn't connected to my true authentic self because of the trauma of the abuse. OK, which was really large and also very orientated towards the I process. So I want nothing better than to be my genuine, true, authentic self and live kindly and authentically. And I do the best to walk the walk and just not talk the talk.

And in that, I help people. And that's what she and I always did.

So, to, look into if any of our listeners are currently dealing with grief, what is the concrete advice you would give them so that they can maybe take something, they can do today? about it or with it. Is there any, anything, I don't want to call it practical tips, but you know what I mean, something that they can take away now.

And, other than the conversation and the insights you were just sharing, what would you say to them?

As I say to my students and people I teach and treat, Live your best life. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself time and space. A long time ago in this process, three years seems like a lifetime to me. A friend said, back up. What did you just say? Write it down. And I said, if it doesn't have to get done today, it doesn't have to get done today.

Okay, give yourself lots of love, self love, self care. Be prepared. I will say this too, which is not part of something that I've talked about. Be prepared for lots of people that you thought supported you completely leave you. Okay, this includes family. People don't understand what you're going through and it's, it's scary to them.

Okay, and then there's this, I'll be also very frank, there's absolute abandonment and betrayal. Okay, trust things. I don't want to dwell on that. Because what? I want to acknowledge it because it happens and it happens in a way like you look around and, you know, people are gone. Okay. And it's not about you.

Okay, it's their frame of references, their personality. So with that saying, if it's occurring to you, and it's very real in my life. And very real in other people's life, continue to acknowledge you. whatever they're doing, that's over there on their page, right? They're living their life, and do to you. Okay, so I, somewheres in a hundred days or so, when after she left life, I went back to my motorcycle and said, all right, let's give this a try.

That's a hundred days that I couldn't do something that I've done for six or 700, 000 miles over the last 28 years. That I had to stop. I gave myself space. Be kind to you. I think that's the two things live your best life and be kind to you. And in terms of in terms of your name, I really think that the conscious transformation of things is very, very, very efficacious.

It may be too much for a person to handle. Unless they're already in it without the proper guidance of a good teacher. Okay, that's very critical. yeah. Okay. So movement. I think doing your name to go on connection. I mean, I go through the verses. I don't know how many times per day. Chen qi. Yes, absolutely.

Chen qi. La qi, absolutely, you know, and, and la qi is cultivation of the qi field, you know, and connection and connecting inside and out and, and more, but, you know, that's open close, which is everything part of Zhineng. So I think that would be my advice and offering and gifting. I don't like the word advice because it seems to, you know, up there.

That's my gifting to someone is be kind to themselves, live your best life, that includes if you, know your life purpose, that's great. If you are floundering in that, try to find your life purpose, because that's, I think, based upon who you really true authentically self are. You know, we, you know, I've had three careers, okay, they all resonated with me, they were all components of who I am.

However. And as we spoke before, I don't know that I like calling this a career because of indication, but this is what I do. This is what I'm going to do for the rest of this life. And I know that. And it gives me life. That's really, that's an important aspect. How, you know, don't help others. in a wounded healing type situation where you're not attending to yourself.

It's most critical in the grief factor or in the grief field to take care of oneself. Yes, if you have children, you have family, you have responsibilities, that's a difficult merge. Okay. But at the same point, I really feel that in the grief process, your loved one would want, as I know, absolutely, I absolutely know and have incredible support and, there are no questions and stories about my wife supporting me. That's another whole topic. you know, I will just say simplistically, I don't believe there is separation. There is physical separation, yes, but there is no separation. So I'm just going to leave it because I'll go on for a long time. Be kind to yourself. Connect to yourself. Don't give up your own self to others when you need it so desperately.

And also know that your loved one wants you to be well and the best you can be.

Thank you very much for sharing all this, with us, Richard. I know this is an important topic, for you on so many levels and I'm glad that you took the step and said, yes, let me share, you know, my experience of what I learned, with our community here. So I want to thank you for that. And you mentioned the, the eight verses.

And as you might know, we always finish off the podcast with beautiful eight verses. so for those listeners that don't know what it is, they'll have the pleasure to go straight into it right now. So thank you very much, Richard. And, yeah, and I hope to see you soon with another episode. I know there's so much you can share with the community and the last topic you mentioned, this idea that separation is just, it's not real.

that could be something else to explore, in the future between us.

That sounds, enticing and, you know, hopefully, sometime physically we can be together and share and I look forward to all my encounters with you. They're enjoyable and lovely and thank you and I wish all the best and happy trails to everyone and just be yourself. Deep connections to all.

We trust you enjoyed this conversation and we invite you to subscribe to our podcast so we can stay in touch and notify you. We will end today's episode with the eight verses meditation performed by Zhineng Qigong teacher Katrien Hendrickx. Enjoy.

To get your free e book on the Eight Verses Meditation, please check the show notes below.